Say Ah
by ZAFO
Summary: CRACK. England and Sasuke switch places, and Japan is looking pretty guilty.
1. NARUTO was made in Korea!

**Say Ah**

By Zafo

**A/N: **This was just a random thought that spiraled out of control. If you guys don't know, England, or Arthur from _Axis Powers Hetalia_ and Sasuke from_ Naruto_ both have the same voice actors. Yep. Nothing too serious or long, by the way. At most I think it will be a three-shot or so.

* * *

**Chapter One: **NARUTO was made in Korea!

--

"_Hey , England! You should like, totally wake up now!"_

Sasuke opened his eyes and glanced groggily around the room, taking in an array of blurred faces. A few seconds later, his vision cleared up and Sasuke got the shock of his life.

He sat up abruptly and gave a deadly glare to all those around him, emitting an aura of killer intent.

"Hah, told you I could wake him!" boasted Poland.

America grinned. "What's the matter, England? One of your little fairy friends put you to sleep?"

Sasuke opened his mouth, then closed it again. Faeries?

"Yo...why are you looking at me like that?" asked America.

'Doesn't he always?" said France, a rather bored look on his face.

Sasuke kept his silence.

Who were all these people? What happened to him? Did he suddenly get drugged and dragged into some kind of...whatever-this-was?

Sasuke slowly reached his hand down for his shuriken holster, but instead felt a coarse and unfamiliar material on his leg. He stared down at his person to realize that he was dressed in some kind of...hideous green uniform.

"My...my clothes..." he croaked. So the bastards undressed him while he was asleep?! Were they perverts?! What did they want from him?! Was this some kind of sick male prostitution ring?! He knew he was good-looking, but....

"Give them back!"

The other nations glanced at each other and broke out into quiet whispers, some looking slightly concerned while others looking outright amused.

America was one of those amused. "HAHAHA! What other clothes do you have, England? The Britannia Angel toga?""

"My name is Sasuke!" he snapped, feeling irrationally angry. So they kidnapped him, and they didn't even know who he was...?!

The room stilled.

"Ah....isn't that...a Japanese name?" Lithuania asked tentatively.

"Like, I bet it's all his fault! Didn't England like, recently take a trip to Japan or something?!" Poland accused, twirling a strand of blonde hair impatiently.

They all turned towards the Asiatic nation, who shifted on his feet uncomfortably. He fingered the white collar of uniform and nodded a subtle 'yes.'

"Ve~! This is just like one of his comic books!" Italy chirped happily.

America shot Italy a suspicious look. Germany closed his eyes and slide a gloved hand down his face in a slow, tired way.

Why did it always, _always_ have something to do with his former allies?

"Italy...what comic books?"

"The ones he has in his room, ve~!"

Sasuke, twitching, finally spoke: slowly, dangerously, deliberately.

"I don't know what's going on here....but someone better tell me fast...or someone is going to get hurt."

Canada gulped. "Maple! E-England hasn't been this mad since the American Revolution...!"

"MY NAME'S NOT ENGLAND!" he yelled, finally losing his temper. Poor Canada drew back completely, receding like a turtle into his baggy hoodie.

China slowly inched over to Japan's side and muttered something into his ear. Whatever it was, it was enough to make Japan lose his cool and lash out completely:

"YOU DID _NOT_ RAISE ME!"

"Don't deny it, aru! I taught you better then this!"

The siblings were quick to argue, reverting back to their respective languages to shout and point fingers at each other. If America could put words into their mouths, he would've guessed that it all went something along the lines of:

"_Fix him, aru!"_

"_I don't _fucking _know how!"_

"_How do you not know how?!"_

"_Because it's not my fault!"_

But America wasn't concerned. It wasn't that big a deal, was it?

And even if it was...well, he was the hero!

"I say we find that comic! It probably has something to do with England acting so weird!"

"I'M NOT--"

Korea gave a loud, dramatic cough.

Sasuke stopped midway and nearly burst a blood vessel at the smug look on the nation's face. This was all just too much. Too many people were talking at once and he was too confused. Had he still his chakra, Sasuke would have chidoried all these strange people ages ago. Not only did he not have any power now, but he also did not have any weapons to compensate for said lack of power.

While the nations were all bickering and acting stupid , Sasuke had tried again and again to call out his energies with no viable result--- save for an unfamiliar and useless set of annoying little flyings things that popped up around him to add to the chatter. The sparkling glitter they left behind were still burning his retinas.

"Comrade Korea, are you getting sick?" asked Russia.

"No! But I've got...." he paused. "I've...got...."

"OUT WITH IT ALREADY, ARU!" shouted China.

Korea snickered, then proceeded to whip out some kind of book from his ridiculously long sleeves.

"I've got the comic!"

"Ehh?!! How did you get the comic so fast!" France asked incredulously.

Korea stuck his tongue out.

"'Cuz world meetings always get so boring! And _**NARUTO **_was made in Korea, da ze!"

There was a small silence before the room went to hell: Sasuke lunged forward to seize the manga out of Korea's hands, knocking Korea off his chair who grabbed onto Lichtenstein who fell as Sasuke ran away, thus setting off an angry Switzerland to her 'rescue.'

"LICHENSTEIN!" he yelled. "YOU BASTARD!"

"Big brother...!"

"SWISS CHEESE!" shouted Korea. WAIT!!"

But it was too late. Switzerland had already gone into position, slinging the gun over his shoulder and taking aim at the wayward 'England.'

Sasuke glanced back after quickly flipping through the comic (shocked, flattered, and unprecedentedly disturbed upon finding pictures of both himself and his teammates from his pre-teen years) and came face-to-face with the vision of a blond boy with a silly white hat pointing some kind of weapon at him...a red dot moving from his forehead (after a few seconds hesitation) down to his leg and ---

_**BANG!**_

Sasuke howled, and both Canada and America rushed over as the blood began to seep through the fabric of his pants. France looked on impassively. The other nations looked down at 'England,' then up at a remorseless Switzerland, then over to to tense Japan....

The land of the rising sun covered his face in hands.

"It's...it's not my fault." he moaned. China was torn between beating him with his wok and giving him a hug to comfort him. Since he knew that Japan would not stand for the latter, China settled for the wok instead.

_**CLANG!**_

Japan gave a loud cry as the wok hit him over the head, rubbing furiously at the developing bump while glaring daggers at his former caretaker. A rose--colored blush developed over his pale features, embarrassed and angry all at once.

"That was like, totally harsh China!"

China gave a small smile at both Japan and Poland.

"Ah, but it's still love, aru!"

Meanwhile, Sasuke was writhing with incomprehensible pain on the floor while a worried America and Canada began to fret over him. Their voices mingled and mixed with each other's into complete nonsense. He was only able to make out a single word, over and over again:

"England!"

"_England! "_

**"_England!"_**

Sasuke took a deep, deep breath.

He braced himself and cracked open one eye, then two, widening them both in complete shock as his brain registered the dirty blonde reflection staring back at him within America's glasses.

Holy Hell.

Those eyebrows were thicker than Rock Lee's--!

[End Chapter One)

* * *

**A/N: **Done for now~! Tell me what you guys think, yeah? :D


	2. Reflecting Idiots

**Say Ah**

By Zafo

**A/N: **Ah, scratch that. This story will still be silly and short, but I can't finish it in 3 chapters. Expect maybe 5-6 instead...

* * *

**Chapter Two: **Reflecting Idiots

England sighed, resting his chin on a tired hand barely propped up by a quivering arm. He looked to his right and saw his little Asian minion, Hong Kong, struggling to stay awake as well and smiled. The little boy was just so endearing-- definitely better than that strange young _Korea_ lad that China kept. England reached over and mussed the boy's hair affectionately, releasing a content sigh.

The dim lighting that filtered through dusty windows encased the room in a dark sepia, plunging the oncoming twilight into a nostalgic, peaceful sort of present all too welcome by a nation used to turmoil and rebellion. His paperwork was all but forgotten when Hong Kong turned his gaze over to England and gave him an adorable, frustrated look with his plump, pouted lips. To an outsider the boy may very well have seemed expressionless, but England had learned long ago how to carefully read every little twitch of his mouth, every little shift of his thick eyebrows...

"Hong Kong...you're tired, aren't you? You should go back to your room and get some rest."

His suggestion was met with silence.

England only smiled, then preceded to make a small gesture pointing to his lap. From his seat next to England's own, behind his office desk, Hong Kong reached his arms out with a look on his face that said _'pick me up, idiot' _and gladly England did so. He hugged the boy close to his body and though said boy, for the most part, remained expressionless, it was moments like this that England finally felt that his life was worth living.

"Hong Kong....you're such a good little colony."

The boy gave a quiet sneeze and sniffled a bit. England continued:

"You're so well-mannered. You respect me. You like me....I think. And you're so obedient."

His gaze darkened.

"Not like _him._ Not like -"

"_**-- BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M THE HERO!"**_

"WHA-!"

* * *

"--AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!"

England's horrified scream echoed throughout the room, throughout the building, and throughout the village itself as he made his return back to reality, actuality.

Konohagakure had it's Uchiha back, but--

"-AMERICAAAA!" he yelled, throat hoarse. "HOW DARE YOU BARGE INTO MY HOUSE?!"

"Oh Kami," whispered Sakura. "What did Orochimaru do to to him...?"

Naruto had no response for his teammate as he gazed into the eyes of a furious and presumably insane man. Sakura trembled, clinging onto his arm in a desperate, needy way that saddened him: thinking that – possibly -- his childhood crush could be doing the same to Sasuke now that he had returned.

_'-- With my help of course!' _Naruto thought fiercely.

"Sasuke—kun, you better calm down." drawled Kakashi. "I knew you'd be angry once you woke, but now you just look crazy."

England gave a fierce, instinctive glare to the man, but once he realized exactly who was talking to him, he stiffened.

Oh.

Who _was _talking to him?

"Naruto here is pretty much the village hero now, bringing you back unscathed. Did you hear him shout it obnoxiously over your unconscious body?"

Now England was a gentlemen. Not the lecherous _'I'll-be-polite-for-now-so-I-can-get-into-your-pants-later _type of gentleman like France was, but an English gentleman - the very best kind there was. His manners and his mind were sincere, his grace and dignity radiating from within.

However, England was finding it increasingly hard to be graceful or dignified staring at the blonde womans enormous chest. He felt his cheeks redden, but chided himself on his own inappropriate behavior.

He felt a little guilty when his eyes traveled south, but then again he couldn't really help it. Whatever though, it was okay. He was a man, but he also had enough self-restraint to remain gentlemanly .

France, on the other hand, would've mauled her by now...

"Ne ne, Sasuke—teme. Orochimaru didn't do anything funny to you while you were with him, did he? You've turned into a total pervert."

England sputtered.

"Wha-what are you talking about, you bloody git?! I am no pervert!"

"But you were staring at Baa-chan's breasts." Naruto said plainly, and England tried his best not to die of embarrassment.

"I-I....You....How dare--"

"--BE QUIET!"

Tsunade's furious voice vibrated and shook the very walls of her small office. Kakashi stood calmly, trying to look disinterested in the corner while Sakura and Naruto stood together, near him, above him...and when he looked down on himself England realized that his body was completely tied up with thick rope....

"_Uchiha Sasuke. _You are a_ missing-nin_. You know, very well, that the punishment for this status is death. Thanks to_ Uzumaki Naruto_ here though, you get to live. But only if you accept certain conditions to re-integrate you back into _Konohagakure_ society."

Too many foreign words. England focused only on the part he understood.

"Uhh. I like Naruto." he said uncertainly, remembering the swirly pieces of fishcake Japan had fed to him during his visit. Naruto blushed, widening eyes at his (former?) best friend.

"....what?"

"I like Naruto?" he asked confusedly.

Tsunade rubbed her eyebrows.

"Some 'like,' nearly putting a chidori through his chest..."

"Yeah..." agreed England, eyes downcast. But only because he didn't know what a chidori was and he was trying to hide the blush that lingered still on his face.

Naruto's breath stopped. Was that _Uchiha Sasuke _showing remorse?! THE WORLD WAS ENDING!

"I can't place it, but there's something wrong with you." Tsunade said, scowling. "What are you up to, brat?"

England flipped his head away in an arrogant, hostile way. Screw being gentlemanly. No one called him a brat and got away with it- and did that woman even know how old he was?!

An angry red vein popped up on Tsunade's temple.

"I don't appreciate being called a brat by someone I have no ties to." he said disdainfully, finally annoyed at the way he was being treated in this strange place. "I have a meeting to get to. (though for some reason I'm sure I was in it already...) Kidnapping is a serious thing. Untie me now, or my army will be, to put it lightly, _**on your damn ass faster than you can say strawberry scones."**_

Naruto was gaping openly at him like a dying fish.

Sakura was staring at him with tears in her eyes, thinking that her long-lost love really might be beyond hope after all.

Kakashi had choked on his own spit, dropping his porn, and Tsunade had lowered her gaze to her desk while a dark and dangerous shadow enveloped the upper half of her face.

England smirked, pleased with his own small show of bravado.

"So you've just admitted that Konohagakure's kage has no relation to you as of now?"

"Uhh, it never did." he said flatly, not knowing what a 'Konohagakure' or a 'kage' was.

"And you're telling me now that you have your own army?"

"He strongest." he added. "The best. I've got an admirable navy too."

England was silent for a moment.

Then for good measure:

"AND A FUCKING AIR FORCE!"

"I see." said Tsunade. Her voice was low, devoid of emotion. "Kakashi. Hand the boy over to Ibiki. I want to know what else he's been up to."

England snorted.

"BUT BAA-CHAN-!"

'"--QUIET NARUTO!" shouted Tsunade. "I know this is going to hurt you, but this traitor is a threat to our village. And a hokage must do everything she can to protect her village, _right?"_

Naruto grew quiet, slumping against the dreary white wall.

England rolled his eyes. How melodramatic. That kid's name sounded so obnoxious...yet, so familiar. Did Japan introduce him to someone of the same name while he was visiting?

"Naruto?" England thought aloud.

The blonde ninja snapped his head down to 'Sasuke,' still tied up, still on the floor.

A determined look came over his face.

"DON'T WORRY!" he shouted, as Kakashi preceded to drag England out of the office by the top layer of rope around his shoulders. "I'LL SAVE YOU! 'CAUSE NOW..."

Somehow England felt that he wouldn't like that he was about to hear.

"I'M THE** HERO,** DATTEBAYO!"

Ah, there was one of them everywhere, wasn't there?

* * *

Sasuke panicked, thrashing about wildly as America and Canada made poor attempts to hold him down.

"WHAT DID YOU PEOPLE DO TO ME?!" he screamed. Oh, his beautiful porcelain skin...his dark, mysterious, obsidian eyes...his silky, perfectly spiked (no gel, no gel at all!) raven-black hair... his seductive, manly-man voice-

-oh wait, he still had his voice. Then DAMMIT, where was the rest of his body?!!

"Iggy's finally gone off the deep end." America said solemnly, an ominous glare of light reflecting off his glasses.

"Ahh, little _-sourcils _has always been uptight." sighed France. " Like a spring, he winds and winds himself up until the pressure is too much and he bursts completely!"

"H-How do we fix this?" Canda asked timidly. France gave a lewd grin before replying:

"_Sourcils's _spring just needs a little oiling, I think."

"-oiling?"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Switzerland, angry that his little sister had to be exposed to such vulgar jokes. "You think you're funny, do you France?!!"

Unfazed, France glanced over at the Germanic nation with an amorous, half-lidded gaze.

"Oh no, not at all, _mon cherie. _But if you like, I could oil your springs as well...."

Switzerland flushed a deep shade of red, before a fearsome battle cry erupted from his throat, and he aimed his gun towards the perverted Frenchman. France gave a girlish squeak as he dodged the onslaught of bullets.

"Vietnam! Save me!" he whimpered, hiding behind the green-clad nation for protection. Oh no, Swtizerland would _never _fire at a girl....!

"FRANCE, GET OUT FROM BEHIND VIETNAM _RIGHT NOW!"_ roared Switzerland.

"So much for a productive World Meeting." sighed Lithuania.

Vietnam's shoulder's were stiff as France's once-panicked grip softened and began to massage. The fool was a real opportunist, wasn't he...? She gripped her paddle until the wood began to splinter.

"I don't get it." said Italy, looking to Germany.

The blonde averted his eyes and gave an embarrassed cough, stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm not explaining it to you."

"Ve~! Germanyyyy!"

"Well--"

"--DON'T EVEN START, POTATO BASTARD!"

Trying to ignore his bleeding leg and failing miserably, Sasuke let out a string of curses in Japanese.

America kept prodding, however, used to 'England's' constant threats, and Canada just stood quietly next to his brother.

Poland scoffed.

"Uhm, like, Japan! England is like, totally speaking your language now. Did you like, brainwash him or something? Like, fix him! He is getting soooo annoying!'

"Hmph, I agree." said Austria. "We are getting nothing done because of this issue."

"Japan can't do anything!" announced Korea, ignoring the look of indignation on his brother's face. "But _I _can!"

"How so?" China asked flatly.

"I've...uhh....well..."

China face-palmed.

"I knew it, aru!"

Ukraine made a timid suggestion.

"Well everyone....since Japan is the only one here who even remotely knows what's going on...why don't we just give him a chance here to talk?"

"Okay."

"Yeah."

"Sure."

"I guess."

"It's a long story..." Japan started, fidgeting under the attention of the entire world. "Okay, not really. A few days ago, when England was over my house we--"

"-- fucked? HAH, I KNEW IT! YOU_ ARE_ GAY!" Prussia laughed obnoxiously.

Japan stuttered.

"Wh-_what?!!'"_

"Oh please." said Prussia, rolling his eyes. "You don't think we know about that _yaoi_ stuff you write?"

"That is solely for commercial purposes! Do you understand the profit we reap from appealing to the female teenage masses?!"

"Prussia, what are you doing here anyway? You're not even a nation anymore..." said Hungary.

"'Cuz I'm awesome!" he snorted. "Whatever. Keep talking."

"As I was saying," Japan said irritably, "When England was at my house I discovered he held a liking for...the occult."

"Yup. Sound's like England alright." nodded America.

"We were just talking amicably over tea-"

"-aru! Did he spike yours with opium?" China asked suspiciously.

"NO! England would never do that!"

"You'd be surprised..." China muttered under his breath.

" -ahem- Back to the topic. We were at the table discussing our contrasting cultures from past to present, and I happened to mention that _Naruto_ was very popular these days amongst my people. England flipped through it and said he liked it, though I don't think he remembered anything in it. And we were joking...and he got carried away..."

Japan buried his face in his hands. "In hindsight, I guess, I should not have said yes..."

"Ohh, steamy sex scene coming up next!" grinned Prussia. Hungary tried hard to bite back the smile on her face.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, _I AM NOT GAY!"_

"Yeah yeah yeah. Like_ I'm_ not awesome."

Japan decided not to reply to that, but continued on with his story:

"Next thing I knew, England took out a very silly—looking wand: the one with the big yellow star at the end of it. I didn't take him too seriously. He was telling me how fun it would be to see what a 2-D world was like. He said something about_ 'universal colonization' _but I'm not sure. I played along because I assumed it was a joke, but I guess not. Nothing happened after his "spell" until now, but I had no idea he'd end up switching places with one of the main characters..."

"Ve~! So it's not really Japan's fault after all!" Italy said happily.

"Wait." said Canada, his eyes widening. "So this _isn't _England?"

"I assume so..."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Sasuke snapped.

"Who?" said Kumajirou.

"SASUKE!" he yelled.

"What the hell?!" said America. He reached over and wrestled the book from Sasuke's grip, then flipped through it quickly. "Hey, I've been reading this comic! This is _Sasuke Uchiha _right? The gay emo kid with the duck—butt hair?"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

Damn. His throat was going hoarse. This was so--

"--not cool!" snapped Poland. "We are like, totally important nations, you know! (except Sealand) So you really need to like, shut up and let us figure things out!"

Sasuke really wanted to strangle 'her.'

The blonde reminded him sorely of a certain Ino Yamanaka...

"Tell me, Japan." America said seriously, the otaku side of his people taking over him. "Him and that _Naruto _ kid gonna end up together?"

He choked.

_'WHAT THE HELL?!!'_

**SASUKE + NARUTO = DEATH**

The formula that developed in the dark of his mind.

"Ah...I don't know about that." coughed Japan. "I'd need to ask Kishimoto-san."

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS KISHIMOTO-BASTARD?!!"

"Aiyah." groaned China. "This England-replacement is giving me a headache, aru!"

* * *

"A-And then...the idiot left me! After everything I've done for him, he goes off and announces fucking INDEPENDENCE! Stupid boy left me heartbroken for centuries!" sobbed England, his head lolling around pathetically on the cold metal desk.

In all his years in psychological torture and interrogation, Morino Ibiki never had to play the therapist before. But 'Sasuke' here was an enigma. After speaking with him for an hour or so, all he had managed to get out of the boy was _America this _and _America that._

America, apparently, was his little brother...that he found in the New World...sailing across the ocean.

Crazy kid.

Never less, he wrote everything down into his notebook:

_(Apparently, according to the prisoner, there exists an undocumented Uchiha left alive from the massacre. __**Uchiha America**_._)_

"A-And then!" continued England, drunk off his own grief. "My other little brother, Canada! H-he just had to go and cut off ties with me too! Why does no one want to live in my kingdom?!"

Ibiki paused, then bent over his little notebook again and added onto his notes:

_(Apparently, according to the prisoner, there exists t__**wo**__ undocumented Uchihas left alive from the massacre. __**Uchiha America**__ and __**Uchiha Canada.**__)_

This was going to be a long, long day.

* * *

Estonia's cry rang throughout the air:

"LATVIAAA!"

"You people get away from me." muttered Sasuke, eyes wide from paranoia. "Or else he gets it--!"

Lativa was as white as a sheet, trembling violently as Sasuke's pushed the broken piece of glass closer to his throat, drawing a thin line of blood.

"A-ah....Russia! P-please do something sir!" begged Lithuania.

Russia was in a dangerous mood. The England replacement had freaked out just minutes ago, breaking his precious vodka bottle and taking his not-so-precious Baltic nation hostage. He smiled cheerily, a low _'kolkolkolkolkol....' _erupting from his throat.

Switzerland growled.

"I'm warning you. My bullets will travel faster than your hands. Surrender now and hand back Lativia." he commanded.

Lichtenstein and Korea waited anxiously behind the Swiss for Sasuke to relent.

Or at least Lichtenstein. Korea just wanted to stand there because she was "cute."

"Your breasts belong to me!" he whispered.

"Hmm? What did you say, Korea?" she asked innocently.

He grinned cheekily.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all, da-ze!"

"You've got one more chance." warned Switzerland. "Or else I pull the trigger..."

"You want to try me?" Sasuke snarled.

Latvia burst into tears.

"Hey, Mr. Hero." Vietnam said cynically.

America stopped.

"Oh, Vietnam~! You're finally talking to me again!"

"Don't let it get to your head." she snapped. "What are you going to do about this? Do you know what will happen if we let this man kill an entire nation during a World Conference?!"

America laughed.

"Don't worry! I've got it all figured out!"

"With _what?"_ Vietnam asked disbelievingly.

Taiwan, standing a few feet away, squeaked as Switzerland and Sasuke began to engage in a series of taunts and threats while Russia rustled through his pockets for his trusty pipe.

"_HAMBURGERS!!"_

"WHAT?!!"

[end chapter two]

* * *

please review. :)


	3. Run Away!

**Say Ah**

By Zafo

**A/N:** Guys, this is only going to get dumber. I had a lot of fun writing this shit, but remember: it's crack. Don't flame me when you already know what you're in for. Enjoy! ;D

* * *

**Chapter Three:** Run Away!

"...you're kidding." Vietnam said blandly.

"No. Why would I be?" America asked innocently.

"UGH!" she threw her hands up. "England was right! Your head really is filled with hamburgers!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

"It is, idiot! We all know there's a big gut under that thick bomber jacket of yours!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! I know, know! I've got guts alright! I'M THE HERO, AFTER ALL!"

"...JUST SHUT UP AND GO SAVE LATVIA!" she snapped.

He pouted.

"Okay okay, fine. Sheesh, don't get your panties all up in a bunch..."

America stopped, winking at Vietnam suggestively.

"...unless you aren't wearing any?"

"...Y-YOU!"

And thus began the Second Vietnam War.

_(Outside the meeting room...)_

"They've been throwing insults at each other for a while now, da-ze~"

"I-I know." sighed Lichtenstein, who had just been told by Switzerland to go somewhere safe. "But I'm g-glad they haven't started h-hurting each other yet..."

Korea, who had been told to go_ keep _Lichtenstein safe (really, what was Switzerland thinking?) rolled his eyes.

"That's only because Latvia passed out and isn't making such a big fuss anymore, da-ze!"

"They're s-still at a deadlock though..."

Korea smiled mischievously.

"We should fix that."

Lichtenstein looked startled.

"H-How...?"

"Well..." The oriental nation whistled, quickly flinging an arm around Lichtenstein and drawing her close before leaning down to whisper: _"Here's the plan..."_

* * *

Naruto poked his head out from behind a wall, glancing around nervously before making a fast sprint down the hallway.

He ran, ignoring the curses and _"DEATH TO KONOHAGAKURE"_ threats from various prisoners before making an abrupt stop before England's cell.

He had expected his old best friend to be miserable, languishing in the dirt and darkness and angsting about his shitty life in general, but surprisingly that was not the case.

Instead, 'Sasuke' was sitting casually on his bunk bed, quietly sipping tea and reading (more like staring blankly at the Japanese text) the village newspaper while Naruto gaped.

"..."

"...what?" England said finally. "That Ibiki guy said he felt sorry for me."

"Oh." said Naruto.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well...I came to rescue you." he said awkwardly.

England quirked an eyebrow.

"Really? Well, I'd appreciate that, my boy. Come and carry my teapot for me, will you?"

Teapot? My boy?

"You sure sound like an old man."

"You sure sound like my brother." England scoffed.

Naruto shut his mouth, thinking about Itachi.

"Do you...you know...still want to see him?" he said slowly.

England tensed.

Shit, so the brat had heard about America...?

_'Patient confidentiality my ass!' _he fumed, angry at Ibiki.

Never the less...

"...yes." he admitted grudgingly. "Why, what's it to you?"

Naruto fidgeted.

"Well...you've been fixated on him for so long. Don't you think there's more to life than chasing after someone who doesn't want to be chased?" he suggested, feeling the bitter irony of what he had said soon after it left his mouth.

Ah, wait. That whole _"GROW STRONG. HATE ME. AND EVERYONE ELSE."_ message was actually _meant_ to provoke Sasuke into chasing after Itachi.

Whatever though. That kind of thinking didn't apply to Naruto- _he_ had already caught his target.

England sighed.

"You don't think I've tried? It's harder than you think, you know."

"Even after he..." Naruto trailed off, not wanting to anger his old friend.

"...abandoned me?" 'Sasuke' spat. "Yes, even after he abandoned me."

Naruto scratched his head, looking highly uncomfortable.

"So...even after I bust you out of here...you're still going to go look for him?"

"Of course." England shrugged. "You're welcome to come and help me though."

_'Idiot Yankee owes me some money for the soda the other day.' _he thought.

Naruto widened his eyes.

"R-really? You would actually let me come help you?"

"Why not?"

Wow. This certainly threw a wrench in everything.

Naruto wasn't sure what he was going to do once he freed Sasuke from prison. He had been expecting anything from death glares, resistance, and hell- even some punches here and there! But he had never expected Sasuke to be so easy-going; and even though Orochimaru seemed to have turned him into a big pervert, this was definitely a big change for the better...

"O-oh!"

"Something wrong?"

"No, nothing." Naruto beamed. "I'd be happy to help you!"

England smiled pleasantly.

"Well, that's good. Get me out of here then. I think there's some slime oozing off the wall."

"No problem, dattebayo!"

Naruto eyed the distance between England and the jail bars.

"Stand back." he commanded, and surprisingly 'Sasuke' did so without any retort.

Oh, it had been too long...he had to do something cool. He had to show Sasuke how strong he was.

Swiftly, Naruto's hands went through the appropriate signs and then...

_"Wind release: Rasengan!"_

England was absolutely mesmerized. A swirling ball of _something_ appeared in Naruto's right hand before he slammed it into the metal bars, successfully obliterating the boundaries between England and the outside world. He stared, wide-eyed, first at the rubble, then at Naruto, a million thoughts running through his head dizzyingly.

_'What was that? Light? Energy? Or dare I say it...**Magic?**"_

"Impressive, huh?" Naruto smirked, extending a friendly hand out to his friend after the blast.

Upon seeing the creepy-looking grin on England's face, however, Naruto promptly drew it back.

"Uh..."

"My boy! You...you can do magic?"

"Magic?" Naruto asked, bewildered.

"Yes, yes!" England said impatiently. "Magic!"

"You mean...jutsus?"

"Hmph, is that what the young people call it nowadays?"

_'Geez. Sasuke really does talk like an old man.' _Naruto thought. _'And Sound village sure uses some fruity slang...though I guess it's only to be expected from that snake bastard's influence...'_

"It's what we've always called it."

England ran his hands through his hair.

"Bloody hell, have I fallen behind on the times..."

"Dattebayo?"

England snapped his head back, suddenly looking very scholarly.

"Your use of hands signs is quite unusual. Usually I have to draw a spell circle-"

"-spell circle? Like...like the kind drawn with blood to seal curses and stuff?"

_'Like the one Kakashi-sensei made for you in the Chuunin exams when we were genin?' _he thought.

England smiled.

"So, you're into the dark arts?"

"I-"

"-I dabbled in it here and there myself," England said thoughtfully "But after a couple of bad summons I decided to stop."

He cringed, thinking of Russia.

Naruto clasped his hands together, his face brightening up considerably.

"Oooh! Me too! I remember the first time I summoned Gamabunta!"

England found his gaze lingering a bit, noticing how similarly adorable the boy's expression was to America's in his colonial years...

"Gamabunta, eh? Never heard of that one before..."

"He's the toad boss!" Naruto babbled. "My first time summoning him he nearly killed me because I wouldn't get off his back!"

England was close now, strolling casually with Naruto down the hall. The other prisoners watched incredulously, quiet for once.

"Yeah...the spirits tend do to get annoyed when you get clingy. Careful of that."

"But don't you like _snakes_ a lot?"

They looked curiously at one another.

"Snakes? Oh no, I'm quite partial to faeries."

"Faeries?"

"And unicorns."

Naruto looked perplexed.

"Unicorns?"

England slapped a hand his forehead, suddenly feeling very stupid.

"Oh, bloody hell. I forgot about that. Young people usually don't take a liking to the traditional summons."

_'I actually don't know what those are.' _Naruto wanted to say, but instead he just gave a small pout and feigned intelligence.

Damn that Uchiha! Always one step ahead of him in _everything!_

In his small fit of jealousy, however, Naruto did not notice the little twitch England made at the face he had pulled.

America had made the same pouts when he was younger...

"No, I've just never summoned them!"

England snapped his head up in alarm.

"NEVER?"

"Never..." Naruto sulked.

"My boy!" England exclaimed, slinging an arm over Naruto's shoulders. "Let me teach you!"

"REALLY, DATTEBAYO?"

"Of course." he smirked.

Oh, it had been decades since he had felt so fatherly and mature.

At that precise moment, however, Ibiki had rounded the corner and stopped, seeing a very red Naruto and a rope-burned 'Sasuke' in all his glory.

Silence.

"...HEY!"

"RUN!" Naruto shouted, making a grab for his hand.

England complied, irked and grateful at the same time for his odd and exciting new adventure.

* * *

"Are you ready?" asked South Korea.

"I-I think so..." stuttered Lichenstein.

While they had been busy planning, a few shots were fired, a few tables were flipped over, and several holes had been ripped into the walls...but nothing had really been resolved at all.

The other nations had not been as lucky as Lichtenstein and Korea. They had both both gotten out of the room while the fight was at a relative standstill, but once things had escalated all the others could really do was cower behind the rubble and wait for it all to end. They had decided, apparently, that it was not a good idea to call security because if their bosses were to catch wind of this...

Well, it wouldn't be pretty.

The duo peeked inside the room.

Prussia and Denmark had somehow joined the fight, with Germany and Norway shouting annoyed commands and hisses to either _"Get back here, idiot!" _or _"Put down the damn axe!"_ from behind a split table. Neither, of course, actually listened.

Russia was cradling a bent pipe and looking absolutely livid, his lavender eyes darkening with a murderous glare.

Switzerland was just as tired and sweaty as Sasuke, from stubbornly chasing the ninja around the room with his gun.

Sasuke himself was carrying Latvia's body under his arm like a rag doll, cursing his bad luck. If he ditched the load, they'd shoot and kill him for sure (or so he thought...) and if he kept the brat then well, what else was there to do? Sasuke wasn't Haku. He couldn't do those stupid one-handed signs. Surprisingly, for all the damage done to the room, the only mark on Sasuke besides the blood dripping from his leg were the bits and pieces of hamburger impaled onto his hair, presumably from America...

...who was currently knocked out from behind a table, next to Japan, who was scolding his sister to control her temper next time because the man didn't really know any better.

Korea squinted.

There was ketchup on Vietnam's green _ao dai _dress.

_'Ohh.'_

"It's chaos..." Lichtenstein murmured.

"You got that right, da-ze!"

"Are you s-sure this is going to work?"

He smiled cheerily.

"Nope!"

"Then wha-"

"-C'mon now, in you go!"

And with that Lichtenstein was shoved promptly into the room.

The chaos stopped.

Both Sasuke and Switzerland were breathing heavily.

"Ah..."

She looked back quickly at the doorway, where Korea was gesturing wildly, then turned her attention back to the crowd.

"Big brother..." she said softly.

"What is it?" Switzerland asked tiredly.

"I've..." she looked down at her feet. "...I've decided to go marry Korea!" she blurted.

"WHAT?"

"I know it's sudden, but-"

"-WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS THAT SON OF A BITCH?"

"Whooaa. I like, _so_ did not expect that." Poland whispered.

"I don't know..." Lithuania said thoughtfully. "I noticed him eying her quite a bit earlier..."

Prussia burst out laughing, along with Denmark.

"Pfft! I wonder what _they_ were doing outside!"

"Hahahaha, I know! I know!"

"YOU SHUT UP!" Switzerland shouted angrily.

Sasuke, who had been eyeballing the exit all the while, hastily dropped Latvia and made a run for the door, right past the spot where a flushed Lichtenstein and a furious Switzerland were standing together.

Russia snapped back to attention almost immediately upon seeing the blur of blond rush out the door.

"Um, comrades..."

"Lichtenstein! What are you_ thinking?" _ The gunman rambled. "_Korea,_ of all nations? I'd feel safer if you had picked Prussia!"

Said German narrowed his eyes.

"What's that's supposed to mean...?"

"Exactly what it sounds like, Albino-bastard." snickered South Italy.

"Why, you-"

"-SPAAIIINN!" he wailed.

_"Do not touch him!"_

"...WHOA, WHOA, _WHOA!" _Prussia shouted hurriedly. " PUT DOWN THAT DOWN! HEY! _HEY! _CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?"

"Waahh! Spain's in his scary conquistador mode!" North Italy whimpered, burying his face into Germany's arm.

"YEAAAHHH, AXE-BUDDY!" cheered Denmark.

_(Meanwhile...)_

"Crazy bastards!" Sasuke growled, sprinting down the hallway. "I swear, when I get my chakra back, I'm going to-_OOMPH!'_

He fell flat on his face, unable to support the oriental nation's weight.

_'KAMI!'_

...was he being groped?

"I got you, England!" Korea hollered exuberantly.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, MY NAME'S NOT ENGLAND! LET GO!"

"No, da-ze~"

Before he knew it, in a flurry of ridiculously long sleeves and and...pickled vegetables?* Sasuke had been tied up with a strong braided rope.

"Whew! All done!" exclaimed Korea as he wiped off the beads of sweat that had developed on his forehead.

"You think rope's going to stop me...?" Sasuke chuckled darkly. "Then you've got another thing coming, dobe."

He squirmed.

_'Well, shit.'_ Sasuke thought.

He had forgotten that this was not his body.

Rock Lee II here was considerably short and scrawny...

"We should get back to the others then, England."

"NO!" But Korea promptly slung his body over his shoulder. "PUT ME DOWN!"

"I'm really strong, aren't I?" Korea said casually, whistling. "I think it really impressed Lichtenstein earlier when Switzerland asked me to take her out of the room..."

"YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS WHEN I CALL MANDA-"

"-Amanda? Ohh, is that your girlfriend?"

"...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Ah, but no one ever does!" Korea chirped, skipping back down to the meeting room.

He really hoped the others hadn't killed _each other_ yet...

* * *

"Well, that was..." England coughed. "...interesting, to say the least."

"Interesting? Is that all you have to say?" Naruto breathed, flopping down onto the soft green grass.

They had both escaped to the outskirts of Fire Country, safe for now from the various ninja that had been chasing after them.

England wondered when he had gotten so strong.

He always knew that he was (he was the British Empire, after all!) but to be able to run so fast for so long...

"Hey, Sasuke..."

He looked down.

"Hmm? _Sasuke?_ Is that what you want to call me?"

That wasn't such a bad nickname. It was like Japan's _'Igirisu'_ but much easier to say. He wondered what it meant, though.

"Well..." Naruto turned away, fumbling with his words a bit. "I don't want to call you_ teme _anymore, because you haven't been a bastard to me lately, dattebayo. So _'Sasuke' _is just fine..."

"Oh." England said disinterestedly, not really paying attention.

He was still thinking about his impressive escape from Ibiki and those animal-masked men.

"H-hey, Sasuke?"

"Yes?" he answered, finally turning his attention back to the embarrassed blond boy.

"Would you...would you teach me how to summon those_ faeries_ now? And_ unicorns?"_

England broke out into another creepy smile.

"Heh..."

"Sasuke?"

"Hehehehehehehehe..."

* * *

"That little idiot!" Tsunade gritted, slamming her fists down onto the table. "What the hell is going through that ramen-soaked brain of his?"

"I can't believe him!" Sakura seethed. "He promised to bring Sasuke back to me, and all he does when he finally fulfills it is take him away again! For _himself!"_

"You're not really going to declare him a missing-nin, are you?" Kakashi asked Tsunade. "I mean, sure, that was a stupid move, but I doubt Naruto did it out of malice..."

Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"No, of course not. He is my successor, after all...but that won't stop me from calling the hunter-nin after him."

"Naruto's a master of escape though." warned Kakashi. "He spent most of his childhood running away from chuunin and jounin for his pranks, there's no doubt that he's even faster and more efficient now that he's older..."

"You got that right." murmured Jiraiya. "He could be halfway into Wind Country by now.'

Suddenly the room was very still.

"Call Gaara." they said simultaneously.

_(to be continued...)_

_

* * *

_

*** pickled vegetables = Kimchi**

**A/N: That's it for now! Please review! :)  
**


	4. I Dare You

**Say Ah**

By ZAFO

**A/N: **This chapter focuses more on England's adventure in the _Naruto_ world. The next chapter, however, will focus more Sasuke's adventure in the _Hetalia_ world.

But remember that we are nearing the end now, my friends.

Enjoy! ;D

* * *

**Chapter Four: **I Dare You

_"I think they've run off together to elope." _Sakura said seriously, and at this Gaara nearly spit out his drink.

"...what?"

The was a light, shuffling sound from the other end of the phone, followed by what sounded like someone sobbing before Tsunade overtook the conversation completely.

She cleared her throat.

_"Kazekage-sama."_

"Hokage-sama..."

_"Please, do not mind Sakura-chan. She tends to...let her emotions get the best of her."_

"I can see that." he answered monotonously.

_"Anyway,"_ she continued. _"Several hours ago Konohagakure managed to apprehend Uchiha Sasuke, however..."_

"...however?"

_"He's escaped."_

"I see." he said curtly. "With all due respect, Hokage-sama, while I am well aware that the younger Uchiha brother is considered 'dangerous,' I fail to see how this matter has anything to do with me or village..."

_"It doesn't." _she answered. _"But, aren't you going to ask me how he did it?"_

"No."

_"IT WAS NARUTO!" _ Sakura screeched in the background. _"HE RAN OFF WITH SASUKE WITHOUT ME!"_

Gaara could feel a headache coming on.

By default, anything that ever involved his self-proclaimed best friend automatically involved him too...

"Explain."

_"Well, we jailed him..."_

"And then?"

_"...and then the little douchebag broke him out and ran, presumably in your direction. Simple as that."_

"But why?"

_"MARRIAGE!" _Sakura shouted.

_"I don't know."_ Tsunade said tensely. _"Naruto's mindset is full of convoluted virtues when it comes to Sasuke..."_

_"That's why they're the subject of my new book Icha Icha: Rivalry!" _ Jiraya added. _ "You want a copy, Kazekage-sama? I can smell the repressed lust from over a country away~"_

"Did...did he just say what I think he did?" blinked Kankuro.

"...what are you doing in my office?" Gaara demanded, closing his hand over the receiver of the phone.

"I just came in to give you your coffee..." Kankuro trailed off. "...but did this guy just say what I think he did?"

Gaara pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Kankuro, Naruto-kun is currently running around our borders with an S-class missing-nin by his side, I think that there are more stressing issues to worry about right now than what Jiraiya-san just said..."

"...meaning that you're just jealous." Temari said bluntly, popping up out of nowhere to join her brothers.

"TEMARI—"

_"_—_Kazekage-sama?" _

Gaara gave a frustrated sigh and uncovered the phone, shooting his sister a dangerous glare as she grinned.

"Yes?'

_"Would you...would you be willing to catch them for us?" _ Tsunade asked carefully. _"I mean, with Konohagakure's economy being what it is, I don't know if we have the resources to do it..."_

"What a load of bullshit." muttered Kankuro. "Their economy is better than ours!"

Temari snatched the phone out of Gaara's hands, snarling.

"Listen, lady. I think you're forgetting that my little brother has his own duties here in Sunagakure. If you think for one second that he's going to drop everything just to—"

"—I'll do it." Gaara said quickly, wrestling the phone back from Temari.

"NO!"

Tsunade smiled slyly.

_"That's great." _she said._ "Really, Kazekage-sama, we appreciate it."_

Kankuro rolled his eyes.

"You better..."

"I will contact you once I have them in my custody." said Gaara.

He paused.

"...but does the Uchiha have to be alive upon his return?"

_"YES!"_ Sakura screamed frantically.

_"Yes."_ said Tsunade. _"It'll only be bad for Naruto himself if the Uchiha were to end up dead, seeing as the more biased villagers still favor__ him_ over _Naruto."_

"I see."

_"But you are welcome to hurt him within reason." _ Tsunade added darkly, low enough so that Sakura or Kakashi could not hear her. _"Teach the little brat a lesson."_

And although the demon within Gaara was no longer there, a slow, evil smirk enveloped his face as his siblings looked on wearily.

"Of course, Hokage-sama..."

* * *

Temari sat alone in the big black swirly chair, sinking her back into the soft cushioning and twirling the pencil in her fingers about absentmindedly.

Gaara had assigned her to take over his office duties until he got back, which Temari knew wouldn't be very long anyway. Still, leading on an entire village, for whatever amount of time, required a lot of work— and the Kazekage definitely could not afford to get anymore behind in paperwork than he already was.

It was little boring, however— and a little lonely too, now that she thought about it.

Hours passed as Temari grew increasingly agitated.

"Man! This is shit!" she exclaimed, flinging the pencil in her hand over to the other side of the room.

It hit the wall and bounced back harmlessly onto the cream-colored carpet.

Temari sighed.

_'So long...'_

Suddenly, the phone started ringing.

And ringing.

And ringing.

"Shut up." she muttered.

She didn't want to pick it up. She wasn't even halfway through the pile of paperwork yet, and she definitely wasn't in the mood to answer just so that the council of Suna could nag at her and give her more.

When the caller decided to leave a message, however, Temari was surprised to learn that it was not them.

_"Kazekage-sama?" _It was Jiraiya's voice._ "This is the Toad Sannin from Konohagakure, a.k.a. Naruto-kun's tutor just so that you know I'm reliable. Anyway, you've probably already left to go find him already, but I swear! This is a really good deal! I'll give you Icha Icha: Rivalry for 50% off the cover price and you know what? Just 'cuz you're a Kage, I'll even put the delivery on express and use one of the ANBU eagles to get it to you. So whaddya say, huh? Call me back at (xxx) xxx-xxxx. Bye!"_

She rose an eyebrow.

Well, it _was_ 50% off...and they were getting it sent by express mail...and surely her little brother wouldn't notice a few thousand yen missing?

Temari quickly picked up the phone and began to dial.

_"Hello?"_

* * *

"Umm, Sasuke..."

"Hush." England said gently. "Just trust me."

"But I feel stupid." Naruto said bluntly, waving around the bunches of wildflowers in his hands as if he were trying to fly. "I've never heard of anyone trying to summoning something like this..."

"That's only because you've restrained yourself to one area of magic." England snorted. "Now tell me again, how do you usually summon things?"

He blinked.

Wasn't Sasuke supposed to know? He usually summoned his snakes in the same way, right?

"Well...usually I do a couple of hand seals...and then I bite my right thumb and slam it to the ground...and then I wait for the runes to show up and for my summon to appear."

"Barbaric." sighed England, shaking his head. "Not to worry though! This way is much, much easier— no bleeding involved!"

"Really?"

"Really."

Naruto continued to wave the wildflowers around a bit more, the colorful wreath in his hair slipping out of place and partially obscuring a cerulean blue eye.

"Nothing's happening, dattebayo."

England tsked.

"You just need to have some patience, my boy! And here, straighten the flowers on your head as well— faeries don't like slobs."

"I'm not a slob!"

"Of course you're not." England said pleasantly, re-arranging the stray blossoms in his hair.

Naruto pouted.

"Geez...stop treating me like a little kid!"

England twitched.

_'There it is again...'_

Of course, there were always some obvious differences between Naruto and his ex-colony, but the blond boy would behave painfully similar to America every now and then, thus sending England reeling down memory lane...

"Sasuke?" Naruto asked hesitantly. "Why are you petting me?"_  
_

"Oh! Sorry!" England said quickly, startled. He dropped his hands as if they were on fire. "Erm, let's go onto the next step then..."

"There's more?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"Of course there's more! Did you think it'd be that easy?"

"Yes?"

"Wrong answer!" England snapped. "Before you completing the ritual, you also have to make sure to say correct incantation."

"Incantation? You mean...that I have to actually_ memorize_ something?" he asked with horror.

"Oh stop that! It's an easy one, I promise you."

"I think I'd rather bite my thumb..." he mumbled.

"Nonsense!" exclaimed England. "Now, repeat after me:

_"'Come out of your fairy bower, _  
_ Come upon this golden hour. _  
_ Come to me I beg you please, _  
_ Faeries dancing upon the breeze.'''_*

Naruto gave him a skeptical look.

"...do I really have to say that?"

"Yes!"

He was about to tell England that he didn't want to do it, but upon seeing the bright, hopeful look on the man's face, Naruto sighed resignedly and took a deep breath:

"_Come out of your fairy bower, _  
_ Come upon this golden hour. _  
_ Come to me I beg you please, _  
_ Faeries dancing upon the breeze, dattebayo."_*

He gave an extra little wriggle of his arms and the flowers in his hands —because for some reason that seemed to make 'Sasuke' happy— and a shimmering ring of pink surrounded him.

Naruto widened his eyes.

"Whoa..."

He never actually expected this to _work..._

"It's working!" England said excitedly. "You see that, my boy? I knew you could do it!"

Naruto was stunned.

'I knew you could do it.'

_'I knew you could do it.'_

**_'I knew you could do it.'_**

The phrase echoed in his mind over and over again.

No one...besides Jiraiya...had ever believed in him.

It was always an uphill battle for Naruto...always to prove himself worthy to others...

But for 'Sasuke'...

_'He believed in me all along.'_

"OUCH!"

A painful rapping motion against his head finally shot him back down to reality.

Naruto stopped, widening his eyes at the angry little figure floating around his head.

It was _tiny!_

It's lithe, petite little body stood just about the size of his index figure, and it was dressed in a simple green yukata that matched it's vibrant emerald eyes and translucent glittery wings.

The creature cocked it's head to one side, gazing at Naruto curiously.

He gaped, staring at it's bright...pink...hair.

"Well, what do you know!" England said bemusedly. "You managed to summon a pretty cute one."

"I-It looks like Sakura-chan!" he stuttered, obviously in shock.

"Who?"

"SASUKE! THANK YOU!" yelled Naruto, flinging himself around England's neck. "THIS IS THE BEST SUMMON EVER!"

"Ehehe."

Naruto froze.

It was that creepy laugh again...

One lone arm snaked around his back, and although he was the one who had first initiated the hug, Naruto felt his skin crawl when 'Sasuke's' warm fingers made contact with the cloth over his skin. The touch was nowhere near perverted, simply lingering, but never the less Naruto felt as if he was being held by some sort of pedophile...

"Uhm..."

Okay, this was kind of weird.

Being as naive as he was, however, Naruto dismissed his feelings of unease and attributed it to the pent-up emotions from 'Sasuke' that must have been repressed up until now.

After all, they_ had_ been separated for three long years...

_'Who knew the teme had a sensitive side?'_ thought Naruto, trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

* * *

Korea kicked the door open, smiling widely as he stepped into the room.

Immediately upon entering, however, his smile dropped.

_'Uh-oh.'_

Fire.

There was fire_ everywhere,_ with Prussia standing in the middle of it all laughing manically.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN MESS WITH THE AWESOME ME, YOU FUCKERS?"

"PRUSSIA!" Hungary shouted angrily, swatting the flames around her with a now heat-damaged frying pan. "ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'RE DEAD!"

Austria was coughing violently into a handkerchief behind his ex-wife.

Prussia rolled his eyes.

"Oh, please. Mr. Pansy over there is doing _fine!"_

"I most certainly am not!" Austria shouted indignantly. "Are you happy now that you've managed to damage my delicate lungs?"

"PRUSSIA—"

"—YOU SEE?" he screeched defensively. "IT'S NOT _MY_ FAULT THAT HIS LUNGS ARE_ 'DELICATE!'_"

"THIS IS CRAZY, ARU!" shouted China over the roaring blaze of flames. "SOMEONE PUT THIS FIRE OUT BEFORE OUR BOSSES FIND OUT AND _KIL__L _US!"

"WAAAAAHHH! OUR BOSS IS NEVER GOING TO LET US OUT OF ROME AGAIN!" North Italy cried, hugging his sniffling twin brother.

"OR PARIS!"

"OR LIKE, WARSAW!"

"OR COPENHAGEN!"

Korea could already feel his own impending doom.

_'Or Seoul...!'_

It didn't matter if Korea wasn't there at the time. Because this was a _world_ meeting, everyone in it, guilty or not, would be undoubtedly blamed equally for Prussia's actions...

Korea's mind raced furiously in order to find a solution.

_'Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh! __How do I fix this?'_

Suddenly, he felt something very wet and sticky soaking into his shirt...and it was coming from the heavy, rope-bound body on his shoulder.

The misplaced shinobi was sweating profusely.

"I'm hot." Sasuke said blandly.

"Ew, gross." said Korea, wrinkling his nose.

Then he stopped.

_'Wait a minute...'_

Sasuke's head snapped up in alarm.

"Hey. What do you think you're—"

_"—HNNGGGHHH!"_

"WAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Sasuke, as his body was hurled powerfully into the crackling flames._  
_

Luckily, they didn't hurt him, but a sizzling sound erupted each and every time his tied-up body rolled over an area of fire, leaving a trail of singed carpet and smelly sweat behind wherever he hit.

After a full, miraculous minute of blindingly-fast rolling, Sasuke came to a dizzying stop next to Canada and France in the corner of the room.

The fire was gone, but France didn't even bother to stifle his laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _ Mon petite Angleterre,_ I have not laughed this hard since you asked me to cut your hair in the 13th century!**"

"Oh no." Canada whispered hesitantly. "England is going to be so mad when we bring him back!"

"Wow." said Seychelles. "I don't even know what to say..."

"He looks like Tripitaka, aru!" breathed China. "唐三藏!"***

Sasuke Uchiha, however, still reeling from his trip around the room, could not hear what they were saying at all.

South Korea merely stood at the door, torn between laughing and apologizing. However, he simply kept his head down guiltily and inched his way slowly over to Lichenstein's side, where she patted his shoulder reassuringly.

"You did what you had to do." she said quietly.

Korea gave a small, sheepish smile.

"Thanks."

"Holy crap." mumbled Hong Kong.

"I feel kind of bad for him now..." murmured Finland.

"Hn." grunted Sweden.

Slowly, America started to stir back to consciousness, and Vietnam and Japan paused to look down at him with simultaneously exasperated expressions.

Why did the Western nation choose _now_, of all times to wake up?

"Geez...I feel like I just got hit by a truck." groaned America, trying to sit himself up.

Then he blinked.

"Hey, what's everyone staring at?"

But when no one answered him and Vietnam and Japan ceased to pay attention, America followed their gazes over to the corner of the room...and burst out laughing almost immediately.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD! IGGY'S _**BALD!**"_

_

* * *

_Sabaku no Gaara was nearing the source of his friend's chakra trail at last.

Shinobi usually didn't take too long to travel from one place to another, but Gaara was even faster, thanks to the control that he held over his sand. As Wind country's terrain was made up mostly of such material, it had taken Gaara only a couple of hours to pump his chakra through the hot desert and race his way through to River country, where he used to the remaining sand in his gourd to float him quickly over the wet terrain there too. From then on, it was just a simple run through the shadows of Fire country's dense forest...

_'There!' _he thought, finally reaching a small clearing surrounded by gargantuan foreign trees.

The sight that greeted him, however, was definitely not was he had expected at all.

Naruto sat in the clearing with his legs crossed, cooing at something bright and pink being smothered inside his cupped hands.

'Sasuke' sat next to him watching amusedly, a serene smile dancing on his face.

_'I can't believe this...'_

"Naruto." he said sternly.

The leaf ninja quickly dropped whatever it was he was holding, looking up at him with a panicked expression.

"G-Gaara?"

"Tsunade-sama has sent me to take you back." he said dully. "Naruto-kun...don't give me that look."

"BUT I'M HELPING SASUKE TRACK DOWN HIS BROTHER!" Naruto wailed childishly. "C'MON GAARA, DATTEBAYO!"

Gaara groaned.

_Itachi _too?

Really?

"Why do you keep trying to surround yourself with suspicious men, Naruto-kun?"

"Suspicious?" exclaimed England. "I am _not _suspicious!"

"Are you?" asked Gaara, raising an eyebrow. "Then why are you here, Sasuke? What exactly do you want from Naruto-kun?"

England stopped.

"I—"

His voice went dry.

What exactly _did_ he want from the boy?

From start to finish, all he had been thinking about while spending time with him was Pre-Revolutionary War America...

"You just want to use him." said Gaara. "You don't really care."

England felt his stomach turn with guilt.

When the silence continued to ensue on his part, however, Naruto took it upon himself to speak up, though unusually quiet and subdued:

"Listen, Gaara. I know it looks really strange and all, but Sasuke's a really good guy, I promise. He always has been."

England felt touched.

He had only known the shinobi for so long, and yet Naruto already had this much faith in him?

"I'm sorry." said Gaara. "But I don't believe you."

"WHY NOT?" Naruto shouted.

"Because." he answered, lacing his fingers together. "Someone like that...will only hold you back in the future."

Sand had started to pour from the opening of his gourd; floating into thin, dangerous wisps around his body and eventually into the air itself.

Fairy-Sakura shivered with fear.

"Oh no..." Naruto said slowly. "It's...it's the Sand Drizzle!"

"Sand Drizzle?" England asked dubiously.

"It's the same move he used on Kimimaro before the Sand Coffin!" he said quickly. "RUN, SASUKE!"

"I don't think so." hissed England. "I _never_ run."

"BUT YOU'RE GOING TO _DIE__!_"

"Not die." Gaara said simply. "Tsunade specifically asked me to bring you back alive, though I promise you that you will come pretty close to it..."

England sneered.

"Don't look down on your elders, my boy."

"...but we're the same age."

_"Don't talk nonsense!"_

"Whatever." Gaara said dismissively. "Prepare yourself."

The thin wisps of sand had condensed now, separating themselves into small clumps above their heads: or more specifically, England's.

Naruto growled, a vicious look coming over his face as he clenched his fists.

"STOP! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS, DATTEBAYO! I—"

"—Naruto-kun, shut up already." Gaara said calmly, not feeling remorseful at all. It was for his own good. "Sasuke here needs to be taken down a notch..."

"NO!"

But it was too late.

The sand had already started to rain.

(end chapter four)

* * *

**A/N: **

* These 'incantations' were taken from SpellsofMagic . com, and no, I'm not a freak. The website came up in Google search because I was too lazy to make up my own rhymes.

** I have no idea when that strip took place, so I just input a random century for the sake of the story. It's wrong, I know, so don't bother correcting me please.

*** Tripitaka (唐三藏) is a monk character from the Chinese classic _'Journey to the West.' _I am so sorry! I saw the China VS England strip by Kirui on DeviantArt and just I had to do it! xD

**_AND NOW FOR SOME SHAMELESS ADVERTISING:_**

I recently just started a new CRACK! crossover— Hetalia x Harry Potter, called **Glitter Freeze,** which can be found on my profile. It's a series of interconnected oneshot/twoshot drabbles, and it's also somewhat less crack-ish than **Say Ah** since the writing isn't nearly as scatterbrained...meaning that I put a lot more effort into it. /shot/

So if you have the time, check it out! :)

_Review please!_


	5. Do You Really Wanna Hurt Meeeee

**Say Ah**

By ZAFO

**A/N: **Hello Hello! I'm back, and I'm finally finished, w00t w00t! :)

* * *

**Chapter Five: ** Do You Really Wanna Hurt Meeeee

"SASUKE, DATTEBAYO!"

England winced as the various clumps of sand rained down upon his body. Damn it, they hurt a lot! But surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as he thought it'd be to dodge the majority of them. Lucky him.

"Use your fireballs, Sasuke! Turn his sand into glass...or...or..._something!'_

"Fireballs? Glass? What on earth are you talking about?" England shouted back.

Gaara frowned. He had honestly been expecting more of a fight from his opponent, especially since that Uchiha dog had been barking at him so much earlier. This was almost a...a disappointment, to be honest.

_This _was the ever-so-elusive ninja that his best friend had been chasing after for years? Seemed pretty damn easy to catch to him...

Gaara raised his hand in an upwards clawing motion and created numerous pillars of sand that encased 'Sasuke' in a sturdy cage. Naruto was, as always, providing some deafening background noise from along the sidelines.

"LET HIM GO, DATTEBAYO!"

"_No." _ Gaara answered monotonously. "And you need to work on that verbal tick of yours, Naruto-kun. You're getting to be as bad as Deidara."

"DID SOMEONE SAY _DEIDARA, _YEAH?"

A new voice had entered the fray, and the squabbling trio turned 'round to see said missing-nin land with his clay bird into the clearing. A dusty cloud of twigs and leaves settled down as soon as the monstrosity stopped flapping, and Deidara hopped off swiftly.

"Well well well, lookie what we have here... two jinchuuriki and a Konohagakure traitor that works for _our _traitor." The blonde man grinned nastily. "Bet Pein's gonna give me a huge promotion once I capture you three, yeah!"

Well, shit. This was the Akatsuki member that made bombs, wasn't it...?

"Watch this, little chickadees."

Right on cue.

Deidara slapped the ass of his monstrous creation, and promptly the clay bird thew up multiple miniature versions of itself which scattered into the wind in all directions. Then, with a quick snap of his fingers and a smug _"Katsu," _Deidara detonated all bombs.

Them being in a forest full of...well..._trees, _their surroundings caught flame in seconds.

England began sweating, Naruto began running around in circles hollering like an idiot, and Gaara began to feel his head hurt.

"I hold the only way out, yeah." Deidara smirked. "Intelligence stated that_ none _of you have a water affinity, nor know of any water-justus. Your sand can't save you from fire, Shukaku, and as far as I know _you_ can't control flames, Kyuubi. And as for _you,_ Uchiha...I don't see how you could possibly get yourself out of this either. So all of you just sit still, yeah, and let me put a chakra-binding seal on each of you before we fly outta here back to base."

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?" Naruto shouted irritably.

The missing-nin shrugged.

"I was out doing patrols, yeah, when I spotted you three under my ride. And the opportunity was there, so why not?"

"I'm hot." England said blandly, reminiscent of a certain spikey-haired boy he had switched places with back in his home world.

"Shut up," Gaara snapped, running through the different solutions in his head to this sticky dilemma.

* * *

"So...what do we do with him?" Canada asked awkwardly, nudging the body of his former father figure with his foot.

Sasuke snarled, but otherwise remained immobile within his bindings.

Secretly, Canada thought that he wasn't all that different from the real England...

"Well...we send him back, aru!" said China.

"And how do you propose we do that?" Austria asked impatiently.

"I don't know, aru! This wasn't _my_ doing!"

The Asiatic superpower looked pointedly at his younger brother, who glared irritably.

Austria rubbed his chin.

"Oh, yes. _You _started this, didn't you Japan? So how do we do it?"

"I don't know." Japan replied, feeling flustered. I believe in the mythical, but I don't believe in magic..."

"...but_** I**_ do."

The room turned then to a slender, blue-clad figure in the back, who stood next to a grinning Denmark. Norway stepped forward and made his way towards the tied-up Uchiha. He bent down and stared at the (sulking?) man eye-to-eye as he addressed the rest of the nations.

"I know of a few spells that might work in bringing England's mind back."

"Ohhh, that's like, such a relief!"

"You got that right." sighed Hong Kong, feeling rather sorry for the psyche of 'Sasuke.'

"I dunno..." America said thoughtfully. "...having this England-replacement here was, you know, kinda fun. Once the old man gets back all he's gonna do is harp about scones and faeries."

"_Alfred!"_ gasped Canada. "That's a horrible thing to say! You should be glad that England will be coming back soon..."

"Hey hey! Cool it with the human names, dude!"

"Let's get on with the spell already." Sweden said gruffly, starting to grow impatient with his fellow colleagues. Finland nodded his head in agreement, a determined look coming over his face.

Norway let out a long-suffering sigh.

"It'll be more than just one spell...but whatever. Forget the details. Are we ready?"

"Yes!" the room chorused in agreement.

Sasuke merely grunted.

"Alright then...here goes nothing."

The Nordic nation began to chant, and make very silly (slightly creepy-looking) spirit fingers as a glowing ring of orange began to surround both him and Sasuke...

* * *

_(Meanwhile, in Naruto-land...)_

Sasuke blinked, suddenly finding himself in an incredibly hot, arid place with his scalp burning as if someone were pulling his hair.

Oh, wait.

Someone _was_ pulling his hair.

Dammit! What did the universe have against him and his fucking hair?

"OW! Let go of me!" he growled, using his left leg to kick the offender off.

Naruto Uzumaki flew off his person and skidded a little distance away; taking with him a thick lock of..._blonde_ hair?

_'What the fuck?' _ thought Sasuke, glancing down at himself and seeing a black and red uniform.

It was the Akatsuki cloak. He may have been back in his own world now, but he was not back in his own body just yet. Sasuke looked back up again at Naruto, who was growling something about the will of fire and some other nonsense, then at the two other people who had surrounded him as well.

It was Gaara of the Desert and..._himself._

_'What the fuck.' _he thought again, as spears of sand whisked past him and a sparkly horse with a horn began stampeding; his body yelling war cries on it's back.

* * *

_(Back in the Hetalia-verse world meeting room...)_

"What the—? What's going on, yeah? Who the fuck are all of you?"

"Wrong soul." Iceland murmured to his brother.

Norway closed his eyes and tried again.

* * *

_(Meanwhile, in Naruto-land...)_

Sasuke blinked again, this time finding himself as a redhead.

His real body was still back on that damned horned horse, and so he knocked it off.

"GAARA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DATTEBAYO!" yelled Naruto. "DEIDARA'S OVER _THERE!"_

"...HEY! IS THAT MY _HAIR, _YOU LITTLE SHIT?"

"Uh-oh..."

* * *

_(Back in the Hetalia-verse world meeting room...)_

"..."

"Still not him." said America, poking at a glaring Gaara. "Iggy doesn't get _quiet _when he's angry—he _rants."_

So Norway went back to work.

* * *

_(Meanwhile in Naruto-land...)_

Oh, great.

Now he was in the dobe's body.

And the dobe was in a harsh headlock courtesy of a pissed-off Deidara...

"Hang on, my boy! I'm coming!" shouted England, who was nursing a rather large-looking bump on his head as he limped over.

Okay. Maybe knocking his body off of that horned horse wasn't such a good idea after all. The strange creature had really long legs, so it had probably been a rather painful fall...

"You will do no such thing!" hissed a pissed-off Gaara—now back in his own vessel—who tripped the island nation and added on to his growing list of injuries.

Sasuke wondered vaguely how they were going to survive this with the forest all around them burning to ashes...

* * *

_(Back in the Hetalia-verse world meeting room...)_

"WHERE AM I? DATTEBAYO!"

"'_Dattebayo?'_ Whoa! Did you hear that, Korea? He said _'dattebayo!'"_

"I sure did, da-ze!"

The black-haired nation flounced cheerily over to Naruto and bent down, his eyes shining as he offered the tied-up ninja some pen and paper.

"I've been reading your comics since _foreveeeever, _da-ze! Can I get an autograph?"

"Ohhh, me too! Me too!" added America, waving excitedly.

_"...nani?"_

"Comrades, this is not the time." Russia said annoyedly. "We must get England back before our bosses return to check up on us..."

"It will certainly be one less thing to explain." sighed Germany, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

"Norway, _mon cherie, _if you'd please...?"

"And hurry it up if you could." muttered South Italy.

"Patience." replied Norway, before falling into his magical chant once more.

* * *

_(Meanwhile back in Naruto-land...)_

His body ached.

_His _body.

He was finally back!

Sasuke felt like crying: both out of happiness and relief at finally being back in his own flesh, and also at the pain of all the bruises he had acquired during England's impromptu stay. But, he was currently eating dirt with a large sand hand holding him down on the ground as Naruto wailed in the background and Deidara was cursing at them all like a drunken old man.

His growl was muffled, but he hoped that he sounded threatening nonetheless.

"Gaara. Take your fucking hand _off _of me before I get out myself and rip you apart..."

The Sand-nin snorted.

"You're welcome to try."

"UHHH, GUYS! THE FOREST IS STILL BURNING DOWN, DATTEBAYO!" shouted Naruto, before being whacked over the head by Deidara.

Now, Deidara had no idea how he could've forgotten about that little fact when _he_ had been the one to cause it, but he had. So he dropped the Kyuubi container and made a beeline for his clay bird, who was standing a few feet away from the commotion ruffling it's feathers uncomfortably,

_'Forget this shit!' _he thought panickedly. _'I'll just tell the boss that they all fucking killed each **other,** yeah!"_

When Naruto picked himself up, he saw the Akatsuki terrorist running towards the monstrosity and panicked himself.

Wow it was getting really hot now.

They needed to get out, and _fast._

Luckily, Gaara seemed to realize this as well and let go of Sasuke, remembering then as his life had flashed before his eyes (he lived in scorching hot desert, yeah sure, but he wasn't used to the heat of a fucking _forest fire)_ that Tsunade had implicitly forbade him from outright killing the Uchiha; lest he wanted to make Naruto even _more_ of a hated pariah...

Sasuke (black-and-blue) looked absolutely _murderous. _

It was obvious that he was tempted to throttle the Kazekage, but he too held back as the flames inched closer and closer...

Like scurrying ants, all three of them ran as fast as their legs could take them to Deidara and his bird, which was already beginning to take flight...

The clay fowl squawked as three different pairs of arms and legs scrambled up along it's backside, digging harsh dents into it's hot clay. Deidara screeched in righteous indignation as he tried to beat off all three teenagers.

That of course, didn't work, and Sasuke, Naruto, Gaara, and Deidara all quarreled loudly as the bird flew up and out of the burning forest...

Their silhouettes grew smaller and smaller against the bright blue sky. Perhaps in some other context, the sight might've been very beautiful, or even inspiring, but the spurts of blood falling back down to earth quickly turned anyone watching from below kind of queasy.

* * *

_(Back in the Hetalia-verse meeting room...)_

No one had any idea how it happened—maybe Norway couldn't control his magic as well as he claimed to—but somehow, fairy-Sakura had popped up in their world.

Taiwan and a couple of other female nations had found it earlier. Once England had been returned to his true form, they had called the rest of their male counterparts to come over and look at it. It shivered as they crowded around it's tiny body, sparkling glitter falling off it's wings as Taiwan carefully unfolded her hands to show everyone.

"_HAH! _" England exclaimed triumphantly. "I told you! Faeries _do_ exist!"

"Whatever, baldie..." said America, rolling his eyes.

**END.**

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long to finish...but thanks for your time, both old and new readers! *hugs*

**+AND NOW FOR SOME SHAMELESS ADVERTISING+**

I started a new Naruto story recently titled _A Squid Boat. _ So if you have the time and interest, then please! Check it out! :)


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